The Joy of Dorks

Part of moving out of the country for two years is figuring out what to do with all the goddamn shit I've acquired in my life that I have moved house to house with me. I've downsized my wardrobe by half (though some may argue it is still a little ridiculous) and through the magic which is craigslist, I have successfully sold everything I could from inside my apartment.

The last few weeks in Ann Arbor I would walk around my apartment with my camera and wonder 'how much can I get for this broken, golden, glass display stand that I've taken from my parents' house to fulfil the eurotrash motive I was going for this year? Um, $10!' or 'I think my mom stole these curtains from the warehouse she used to do antique shows at. They're sort of tacky, but what the hell- $10!' Click! Download! Craigslist! Sold!

I've turned into a swindler, a craigslist hustler. Two Indian business school grad students came to pick up my microwave ($15). I walked them through my apartment offering up anything not attached to the floor. "Do yous like dees prettty lamp? I give to you for tventy dolla. How 'bout dees chair, comfortable for sit, ten dolla for you my friend." They went home with a shit ton more shit than they thought they came for.

About a week later I started to sweat noticing I had not yet sold the dining table nor my sofa so I dropped an email to my curry-loving buyers that I had more shit to convince them to buy. This time, only one came but brought with him his very white, very plane, and very college girlfriend. He agreed on the dining table but it was a bit of a struggle for the sofa. "For you my friend, I give special today. I give for you good price, Table and sofa, $40." Once agreed he and his girlfriend and I started moving everything out.

At one point as he and I were shoving the sofa through the front door, he noticed my "Joy of Sex" book that I had on the floor, as it was a book I decided I would NOT be bringing back with me to my parents' house. He says to me "She should read that!" meaning Cathy McCatherson, his girlfriend, who was outside loading the truck. I sort of laughed and told him he could take it if he wanted. His eyes lit up. "Is it a good book? Have you read it?" He asked me excitedly. His anticipation of my sexy response made me feel a little dirty inside. "I've looked through the pictures." I responded. "Really, you guys can have it if you want."

We moved the couch out, and the table, and whatever else I told him he needed. He made it a point to make sure to get back inside to grab the book. It seemed like at some point when I had stepped away momentarily he had asked her about the book and she had given him the ok. He was giddy with the hope of not ever getting blue-balled again. Beyond giddy.

As I waved them off I yelled after them "Enjoy the stuff! And the book!" and got a totally awkward "We will!"

It makes me feel good to know that not only have I made a pretty solid profit off my junk, I also helped a homely, nerdy, self-conscious couple make some sweet sensuous erotic fuck.