Youth in Revolt

So this is kind of a big deal- it's not just a new year but a new decade. I didn't really think about it until I looked around the corners of the internet for a few minutes this morning and noticed everyone is mentioning the decade. The decade! The last time I began life in a new decade I was 15 years old. I may have wrote about it then, but surely that new decade was out-shined by the new millennium and I doubt I made revolutions about the new millennium. At 15 I probably only thought about the upcoming year, at most.

So now a new decade begins; I'm old enough to grasp what a decade means and what it should mean for plans. Folks who know me know I'm all about plans. Not the day to day plans really because I do enjoy being a lazy-ass and sometimes a procrastinator, but I'm all about the big plans. Two years, five years GO. I map out what my next two years should be like more or less, and then what the encompassing five years should maybe sort of look like, leaving room for flexibility. Moldova was my two years, then the three years of law school to follow was the five. Now I'm in law school, so the next two years is doing well and finishing school, the three years to follow is find work that I love and that pays me enough to buy thingz when I want to buy thingz. (Plus pay back scary, outrageous loans.)

Furthermore, the three years after law school are basically for figuring out what kind of grown-up I want to be. Where does this grown-up want to live? What sort of lifestyle will this grown-up have? What will make me the type of grown up I thought I might be when I was 15? As of right now, since I'm pretty much on the fast track to being a real-life grown-up, I think I will officially become one this decade. I'll truly be grown when I will be financially comfortable enough to live alone, around things I like and need, with my dog and/or with my husband whenever that may happen. I assume I will be married by 35, perhaps with kids, and that shall fully thrust me into grown-up-dom/hood/ness.

In the next five years I'm pretty much in career-track mode. However, I need to focus on my person. I need to be very much in life-track mode and that starts with the first year of the five, the first year of this decade, dearest 2010.

My Revolutions* for 2010

1. Do not lose sight of why I wanted to get into law school and what I'm doing there. As of today I still do not know [all of] my grades for the first semester, but regardless of whether they're great, mediocre, or disappointing, next semester is one which will be done flawlessly. I've gotten the hang of law school, know what works for me and what doesn't. I (now) know how to keep myself in line so I'm not hating the world come finals... and also not burning out which is always patiently lingering on the other side of that almost invisible line of keeping my shit together.

2. Don't let them get into my head. Just don't. They ain't got nothing on me and honestly. Just don't.

3. Talk less. I think this is a first time Amy revolution. I absolutely am a communicator. I need to talk things through. I need to talk with whoever might be in a similar world as me to reinforce my decisions, hear other opinions, feel superior, feel humbled. This year, really, the conversations should stay right here, with me.

4. Be grounded in myself. Not in someone else. Especially because that someone else may not be nearby or there when I might need them. So, Amy, need myself.

5. Routine. I got better at this by the end of 2009, but let's really plan and stick to a routine so I'm not hating life when I wake up.

6. Get out more. Perhaps as a part of above mentioned routine, but I really do need to start going out and doing things even if it is solo and I'm feeling sad or tired of being solo.

7. Don't be sad about being solo anything. I need to start embracing myself everything again. I can't depend on anyone else to bring me happiness and while I want people around me, love around me, relationships, I must love myself. I will keep myself centered so that I can love and be happy about all things. I can only do that for myself.

8. More action. Move move move. Sweat sweat sweat. Sweet sweet sweet.

9. Be nicer. In my head and on my lips. I just need to stop being such a hater all the time. Time to be a lover of mankind.

10. Cook. Moldova taught me how to cook for myself and New York told me I didn't need to. A little bit less buying prepared food and a little more therapy cooking in 2010.

11. See movies. Rent or go. I love the cinema and I don't know why I've ignored it since moving here.

12. Be the lady I always imagined I'd be. At 25, if not in 2010, then when?

A wise man once said, "if you wanna make the world a better place take a look at yourself and make that change." Truth.

*I know it's "resolutions," my new dear readers, but through diarylands and livejournals I've been marking these promises as revolutions for years. This year is no different.

A revolution or two is due at this point anyway.