I haven't forgotten you

I'm not surprised, offended, nor am I sad if you've forgotten me. It's been a while. I know this. Additionally, my posts from the last year have been the lamest. I know. I know. I'm sorry. I make no grand promises to do better or write more, but I do at least apologize for hating life the last year and writing about it. No one needs that. I don't need that. I'll try to make this one better, newer, happier, somewhat more optimistic at very least.

That's not to say I haven't been hating life. I have. I'm in law school. Law school is hawd. I keep saying that to people and no one laughs. It's supposed to be funny. Like, guys, law school is hard. Get why it's funny? Because it's true that it's hard? People know it's hard? But I say it like guys, seriously, did you know this is how I feel? HAWD!

It's not impossible. It's not. But it's not fun and most of the time I'm insecerr. It's not coming easy and I don't always feel like the smartest, comparatively (to others and my past self.)

But I'll be okay. I spent Friday night in and Halloween in. Friday night I spoke with a friend from forever living California, J.Lo, and regained my balance. Last night spoke with another forever friend in Chicago, Josh, and reinstated my determination and motivation. Saw Gina friend this morning for brunch and remembered everything is fine, really. Today is productive, this post is the only detour. So far so good.

I'm in love, have you heard? An hour after that post about sitting on my parents' deck and being a lame-ass, I got rejected from a school I was really waiting on. I was in my house clothes and got in the car to drive around so my parents wouldn't come home and see me upset. I panic-cried in the car a little but mostly just drove around. As I was calming down I got a phone call from a guy I knew from grade school. We bumped into each other earlier in the week at the library and had a chat. We were classmate acquaintances but it'd be a stretch to say we were friends. We knew each other kind of well. I was at his Bar Mitzvah. At the library, where he works, we talked about our lives since high school and at the end of the conversation I got his number because I figured it'd be nice to have a local friend in my lame life at my parents house. I gave him my number too.

He called me at the perfect time, when I was the most bummed, and we hung out that night. By the end of the next week something was most definitely stirring. We began to hang out daily. The month after that we were on the Greek Islands and Berlin together.

IT'S LOVE YOU GUYS. I grew up with him! He knew me with braces and pre-nose surgeries! I knew him when he was way shorter than me (found his 6th grade yearbook. I wrote "get taller" to him. What a bitch.) Now, we know-each-other know each other. We're living apart, he's still there and I'm now here, but we're as close as "lips and teeth" (to steal an expression I read in The New Yorker this week that I can't get out of my head.) Plans for him to move to New York exist, my parents call him to take Roxanne out when they're out of town, and babies. Basically.

Other than all that, it's still a coasting way to be. I watch people outside of my window wheeling things: carts, strollers, themselves on bikes. I shower twice a day because I can. I don't cook too often because my time goes to studying, but I eat well.

And it's fall. My fall. This is, has been, and always will be, my season. If I'm not getting it together now, then I ain't Amy(chka.) This bitch don't mess around and y'all know it. I got the worst ahead of me, what with finals around the way, but I'm trying to hold it down. Keep the parents proud. Keep the morale high.

Also, I have bangs again. What was I thinking? I know. Seriously. I always do this shit. They look fine, cute even. But I'll tell you what- it's a me I'm familiar with and sometimes it's nice to see the old me in the new me.