Watch out, I get really sappy, cheesy and Jewy for a minute.

October 2, 2006

Today was a good day. Today was a really good day. I must first mention that at the moment I am totally stuffed, having eaten a pretty filling dinner including mamaliga with sour cream and brinza, walnuts for dessert, and watermelon for after dessert dessert. I must also admit that when I returned home today I found the house empty and on the kitchen table a thermos left for me full of fasouli (beans) that were still warm. Having not really eaten today in observance of Yom Kippur, I eagerly downed all the beans assuming they were my dinner, only to find out I'd be eating again not two hours later. I feel like one of those clown doll that can be kicked, punched, and knocked over with all one's might but always remains standing because of the weight at the bottom. I feel like I have that weight in my tummy, but this clown will, without defiance, stay down if knocked over- I'm that full. This is the first time since getting out here that I feel like I've overeaten. Thanks a lot, Yom Kippur.

My original intent for today was to try to make it to Chisinau for services. Our program director was interested in going as well and was going to help me figure out a way to get out to Chisinau, but last night I told him I'd opt for being a bad Heeb this year and skip services. The only synagogue out here is Orthodox, and while I instinctively feel they are my people too, blah blah, I always feel really confused, intimidated, and completely out of my element during Orthodox services. I especially felt unsure about making my first trip to the synagogue on one of the most important holidays of the year. Yom Kippur has always been really special to me as it's a day to look back at the year and reflect on what can be improved on in the coming year, in addition to admitting to wrongs and forgiving (or at least forgetting) those who have wronged. Therefore, I decided that this time around, I was going to take today to reflect personally, and worry about the how's and what's of services out here in Moldova at a more calmer juncture- maybe a Shabbat or Sukkot, which is coming up. The one thing I always did love about our Reform Temple back home was how through the flow of the service the significance of the high holyday was revealed and a personal discussion encouraged. I felt nervous that I would miss the aspect of reflection and self evaluation that I take seriously this time of year in trying to understand and follow the Orthodox service, sitting up in the women's section, alone, and most likely standing out. I'm not usually so insecure, but I had a lot to think through about this past year, and just wanted the day to be stress-free.

I also wanted to be alert for programming today. Last week bogged me down mentally and somewhat emotionally as it was jam-packed with group time and non-stop information. I felt my energy and enthusiasm drain as the week continued and Saturday found me so sick that my language teachers sent me home. Once home I said two words to my host mother, "sint bolnava," barely climbed the stairs, took off only my jeans, and sunk into my bed to sleep six hours of daylight away. I think I had a bad reaction to the tetanus vaccination I received Thursday, but all I know is on Sunday I felt refreshed and looked forward to this week with a clearer head.

Today after a very invigorating language lesson where we learned foods and talked about what we did over the weekend IN ROMANIAN, we were scheduled to go on a field trip. The field trip I chose was to a mayor's office. Six of us trainees, along with our COD program director, piled into a PC vehicle and drove 45 minutes to a village that I embarrassingly already forgot the name of. Talking to my program director in the backseat was a highlight as I found out a little bit about her volunteering experience (which was really impressive as she's somewhat of a globetrotter) and I became excited all over again about what I may end up working on out here. We talked about her experience with Human Rights NGO's and the little light that was burning bright while I was applying to and anticipating PC flashed on again.

Once at the site we met with a current volunteer who's position is working with the mayor of a decent-sized village. Hearing about the volunteer's experiences, along with meeting with the mayor, was a real eye re-opener. It's hard through this pre-service training to keep an eye on the prize, so to speak, because when surrounded by a group of people who also speak English and are American, it's hard to remember where I am and what I came out here to do in the first place. It was exciting to listen to the mayor and the current volunteer communicate in Romanian, plus it was great to hear other trainees and myself attempt to ask questions as best we could with our limited Romanian vocabularies (ok, I cheated on one question and asked in Russian, but the other few were in Romanian!) Wandering around the village the volunteer lives and works in along with hearing about his attempted, failed, successful, and current projects was truly inspiring.

Today I felt my perspective shift. For the first time I started to feel the aspect of flexibility that PC really stresses. I have all these expectations yet I am so unsure of what it is that I am anticipating in the future. Of course I have a few interests and ideas of what I'd like to be working on and what type of area I'd like to be living in, but I'm not sure how much is really in my hands in terms of my placement. I have to continue to roll with it if I want these next couple years to be successful and fulfilling. I also need to grab Romanian by the balls and stop depending on my Russian so much if I want to be a truly amazing super duper volunteer. And you know that's exactly what I want to be.

I have no doubts I'll get the language down and whatever PC throws at me will work out fine. I'm excited to be out here and I'm taking it day by day. I just gotta keep up this PMA. POSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE.

Go Amy Go.